Warm and Toasty
by JackHollowsversion2
Summary: Kurogane tries to make breakfast and burns the house down, how will the group deal with being poor and homeless? KxF, SxS, Rated for language, may get nastay and change rating if my creativity goes off the deep end.


**Usual crack-level fic, Kurogane sure is fun to write, he reminds me so much of myself it's scary. This one'll be multi-chapter. I know I make them so OOC, I like to call it exaggeration XD**

Kurogane was a very simple man. He liked things _simple._ Which included having people make breakfast for him. When Fai and Sakura said they'd be staying in her room this morning for a little 'girl talk' he hadn't expected Syaoran to wuss out of the idea of cooking and left Kurogane with the grim task. He had promptly cursed Fai and just stared, dumbfounded, at the kitchen before yanking out on of the chairs from under the table and taking a seat next to his little amber-eyed companion. This was a woman's job, damn it! Which meant Sakura should be the one slaving over a hot stove, or Fai, since he just about qualified for a woman no matter what that man had below the waist. Of course, he'd expressed this to Fai as well, and the blond had just waved him off and hurried Sakura into a room with himself. Kurogane was _very_ suspicious. He just sat there and pouted for a while, before Syaoran had the courage to speak up,

" Kurogane-san?"

"What?!" Kurogane's head snapped over to face him, he was obviously annoyed by feeling so incapable. Syaoran seemed to shy away slightly before gathering the gall to continue, " A-Are you gonna make breakfast?" Kurogane just growled, muttering and kicking his feet up on the table, " 'Dun know how."

" You could do something simple." Syaoran suggested, making sure to keep his distance just in case Kurogane felt like taking his aggression out on him. " What do you suggest?" Kurogane responded sarcastically, glancing back at the door he was sure the mage and the princess were behind and talking about...whatever the hell 'girl talk' was. " I like Pop-tarts." Syaoran said hopefully, leaning forward and trying to show how much he _really_ lusted for a big strawberry frosted warm tart of goodness at the moment. " What's that?" Kurogane refused to meet his gaze, he knew he'd only get puppy eyes. Syaoran got up out of his seat and removed a small blue box from a cabinet, turning around and holding it in front of Kurogane's face, " This, just make me one or two of these, okay? You just have to make it warm and toasty." Kurogane grunted and snatched the box from the boy's hands, grumbling as he turned it over, nope, the directions were in some strange language he couldn't read. Pictures helped. It seemed to be telling him to use that strange silver device Fai had insisted on buying, and that the poptarts should fit perfectly into the two slots. He'd pull a lever and then the magic would start. He tore the box open, jamming his fingers in the side and then clawing away at the cardboard packaging, until he'd retrieved a shiny silver pocket-like thing, filled with the bounty. He bit throw this barrier, revealing the two little treats. He then dropped them on the table and pulled the toaster out of a cabinet, chucking the thing into a wall and picking up the popart, jamming them roughly into each slot. One broke in half and he groaned in frustration, " It's hard!" He shouted in Syaoran's direction, who had now placed himself comfortably on a couch, flipping through a new issue of 'Determined Boy' magazine, TV on and flashing pictures of what Kurogane considered Fai Flowright's with boobs. Syaoran answered him without even looking up from the pages, " Keep trying Kuro, we all have to grow up eventually." Kurogane threw the box at the boy before continuing, jerking the lever down and...nothing happened. He shouted at it and punched the thing, and still nothing. He looked at the cord attached, looked at one of the plugs in the wall, and tried desperatly to put two and two together.

And _then _he figured it out.

He jammed the plug into the wall, and it worked it's magic, the thing looking like it was all fiery inside or something. Satisfied, Kurogane left the thing, sitting next to Syaoran on the couch and gloating about his accomplishment. Soon he heard some popping noise, which he interpreted as the magic thing's way of saying it had completed it's task. Kurogane stood up, the large man approaching the machine and frowning at how 'un-toasty' it looked. Syaoran had said 'warm and toasty', he knew how toasted looked and it was slightly black and smelled different, so he pulled down the lever and let it go again, hoping the stupid thing would get it right this time "TOASTY." Kurogane ordered it, maybe now it would get things done. He did this several more times, it was getting better but nothing was the desired outcome he'd hoped for. Syaoran was busy wondering why this process was taking so long but he remembered that this was Kurogane, and Kurogane was always a bit slow. When Kurogane has come back to check on the poptarts for about the tenth time, they were on fire. Kurogane kind of panicked, because they'd be ruined, tearing it out and immediatly scalding his fingers. Kurogane yelped in pain and threw it subconciously, it colliding with one of the drapes and immediatly setting those aflame as well. Kurogane tried to put it out himself, tearing down the drapes and stepping on it over and over, muttering curses and hoping Syaoran didn't notice what was going on, before the drapes ignited some stupid article of clothing Fai had left laying around, which set a chair on fire, which left Kurogane fleeing the room and tearing the magazine out of Syaoran's hands.

" The kitchen! The kitchen, it's like...burning!"

Syaoran just gave him a very, very confused look, only understanding as the smell of smoke met his nostrils, " Oh, hime!" He was soon on his feet and making a mad dash for Fai's room, ripping the door open to find Fai sitting on the bed with socks on his hands and Sakura clapping, looking very pleased, " Hime!" Syaoran shouted, catching his breath, " We have to get out now, Kurogane just set the house on fire with...poptarts." she only looked very surprised, Syaoran quickly grabbing her by the arm and pounding down the stairs, literally dragging the thing girl behind him. Fai very calmly removed the two socks from his hands, folded them, and set them down on a dresser before walking behind them and wondering what Kurogane and he should do today, the weather _was_ beautiful after all. Syaoran stopped as one of the rafters crashed from the second floor down to the first, flaming, blocking their path. Syaoran clutched Sakura to himself tightly, covering his nose and mouth and getting Sakura to do the same. Kurogane was tearing his way through the house despite burns, searching for Fai, " Idiot mage!" He yelled, crimson eyes darting around frantically before spotting him just behind the two kids before the rafter fell, " Oh, shit!" He saw Syaoran jump through the flame regardless, it caught a little on his clothes. Kurogane waited for Fai but got nothing, gritting his teeth and making to go for it before Syaroan grabbed him by the arm and started screaming about how they needed to get out, leading them out the door as Kurogane was torn from helping the two kids and knowing if Fai was okay. He'd just get them out and then go back for the blond. They finally made it through, all three coughing and Sakura crumpling to the ground. Kurogane immediatly turned back and made for the house again before the house collapsed in on itself. Kurogane stood there, dumbstruck and horrified. It didn't really hit him until the house burst into yet another mess of flame, and some scream of anger tore itself from Kurogane's throat and he was brought to his knees.

Fucking poptarts!

Kurogane just punched the ground, shouted curses, Sakura and Syaoran staying close together. The brown-haired boy tried to comfort the princess, speaking to her in a low tone and trying to calm the sensitive individual. Kurogane was still a wreck, Syaoran just closing his eyes. The three stood there in silence and watched their home and supposedly their friend burn, nobody even bothered to think about Mokona, but they just assumed the thing would be okay because it must have some magical sort of protection what with those secret techniques. The moment the flames died down Kurogane was at the wreckage, tearing through wood and glass with slightly charred hands,

" Mage!"

" Damn it!"

" Stupid mage, answer me!"

Kurogane drew back, shoulders trembling, oh fuck no, he was not going to lose him just because Syaoran had wanted poptarts for breakfast.

" Fai!!"

**Well, there's all I can muster for now XDD Reviews are appreciated, I need a lot of help and reviews bring improvement. Chapter two brings our poor heroes homeless, poor little happy Tsubasa family!**


End file.
